I have an appt, for Monday the 23rd and for the first time since I got my car, 3 years, I'll be having a gander @ my credit report. My stomach has been in knots since, and I anticipate it'll be that way till the appointment.

I have to take my last 2 paystubs, my monthly expenses and my bills. Which is gonna be tricky for the debts I never mentioned here. I have no clue. Avoidance and denial is a bad bad thing.

Then, and this one is hard to make public, but I started getting phone calls @ work...messages left with my boss. And I think that's what really sent me over the edge. I'm tired of feeling stressed and worried and part of what made me extremely depresssed was I feel like 5-6 years of unfortunate school choices and clueless spending is going to cost me the next 10-15-20 years of my life.

It kinda makes everything else not fun...ya kno? I mean I'm sure I can splurge on a bag of cashews maybe once or twice a year, but the future outlook, just doesn't look good. Man, I made a funny, I must be feeling a smidge better, but not really.

My first priority in the upcoming week is to start applying the investing in my debt principles. Doing a quick math I may have some good news but let me see how this weekend plays out before I make any announcements.

As for my boss, I wrote her an email, giving her a brief background and apologizing for it getting to this point. Today she wrote me back and suggested using the EAP (employee assistance pgm). I'm going to give them a call tomorrow.

Are things looking up? To tell the truth, I'm too bummed and numbed to really tell.

More later...