So I'm going to make this a weekly routine. At the end of each week, either Friday evening or Saturday morning, this way I don't get carried away on the weekend, I'm going into all my accounts and settling up where I'm at.

Admittedly, I strayed a bit from the debt pay down in the last month or so. It's just hard for me sometimes. And it's a mental thing. I'm so freaking used to owing someone something, when the credit cards got paid off, I felt a bit lost. I'll get to where I need to be, but it'll take as much time for me to be out of debt, as I was in debt, to help my mentality change a bit. I hope.

I'm still on track to make my next big payoff, but when I look @ what I squandered in frivolous stuff, I could kick myself b/c I'd be that much further ahead or @ least wouldn't have to deplete everything to make it happen.

My struggle is trying not to feel deprived when I sacrifice. Easier said than done. I'm also used to doing w/o so sometimes when I get in a spendy mood, it's like something bottled up gets released and I can't make myself stop.

Now...compared to the Renee from 5 years ago, I am MUCH better. For one I either spend cash OR if I use a credit card, I pay it off in full by months end, no matter how tempting it is to let it slide for a few months.

But still, I don't want to be that person. I want even more self control and b/c I feel so deprived, it's such an ingrained feeling, I can't trust myself not to spend. I can trick myself and leave everything @ home save for $20 in cash, just in case, but that won't help either. I'll just have a mental note of all the things I wanted to buy and get them all the next time I walk w/my card.

This has all be weighing heavily on my mind and is something I want to work on now, while I'm moving to the next level of debt payoff...or else I really fear when I'm debt free, I'll go bonkers nutzo and enroll in like 10 more colleges and charge back up all my credit cards. The fear is real.

So to work on that, starting Sunday April 15th, I'm embarking on a personal financial challenge. It'll run for 30 days, then I'll take a week to reflect, then I'll "graduate" to a stricter challenge.

The first challenge will be to track my spending wants vs. needs. Every day I'll log how much I spent, on what, and whether it was something I needed (gas for the car) or wanted (a bottle of water vs. using an existing bottle and filling it up).

It'll be interesting b/c I don't feel like I spend a lot of money on frivolous things, but obviously I do. If anything, I know I spend a lot of money on food, whether it's grocery shopping or eating out.

The next challenge will be to not spend any money outside of wants.