September 25, 2007
Long Overdue
I was going to start this post off getting into why I've avoided updating MS Money (not to mention this site) by saying, I don't know why I constantly procrastinate doing this, but... and realized I'd be starting this post off w/a lie. I do know why. I'm freaking scared.
Scared to accept the amount of debt I'm in. Scared to accept that even though I've made great strides, I *may* be living above my means, am living paycheck to paycheck and the thought of opening some mail makes me want to puke. Scared to see how much money I've frittered away in the last 2 months under the guise of being stressed about life in general.
This month I started taking a tax course a few nights a week. That and seeing my yearly income in black and white numbers, I've had a few increases in the last few years but never kept track of how much I was really making, all made me think tonight.
Driving home from class, I realized, I'm too freaking old to be dicking around like this much longer. I'm tired of the dread. I'm tired of reacting vs. being proactive. I'm tired of being scared, feeling broke and not using control.
In class I did a quickie sketch of how much I make. How much taxes I pay. How much I'd make minus 30% and all my major bills. It doesn't look good. And perhaps that's what I'm avoiding. Deep down I HATE feeling like I can't have what I want and I know exactly where that comes from, feeling deprived as a child, and all these years, all this debt is me over compensating and it's hurting me in the pocket as well as in the heart.
Going forward, that is going to be one of my biggest changes. Growing up and being an adult about my finances. NO one else is going to do it for me. NO one else has my best interests @ heart.
So here goes. I start tonight by opening up MS Money and getting it current for the first time since 5/31/07.
11:09 PM in Daily Jabber, Fears, Scared to Death
Technorati Tags: financial+fears money debt salary taxes
