No talk of debt today. My 3 month old kitten died Thursday after a bad reaction to anesthia while getting neutered. I'm so numb and so hurt, I can't think, I'm barely eating, I just want to sleep and not think about him anymore, when I do, the tears come and my throat hurts from swallowing them back. I took off the entire weekend from Job #2, I can't bear to go in there and work right now.

I guess that's about it, I've already written about him and talked to a friend and each time I think I can do it w/o breaking down sobbing, I prove myself wrong over and over again. I'll be offline for a few more days. I got the final 1099 today and can get my 1098's online so I may start doing my taxes this weekend.

I know it's "just" a cat and in light of all the strife in the world, it's pretty small in the scheme of things. I don't have kids, so the closest I have to little ones were my two kitties, I take owning them extremely seriously and while I may not be the best owner, I play a bit too rough w/them, I would take care of them no matter what and what I loved most about the baby cat was, he was so in the moment and so passionate about getting in the mix of everything. And the irony of me looking forward to this weekend, my first free weekend since working 3 jobs, to actually be w/them both, is what really hurts. For the entire time I had him, I've been working 3 jobs and knowing they'd both be home to make me annoyed and happy is what I looked forward to the most on the days I felt the most tired, they were sanity in my insane days and I have to wonder if the time I spent working like that was even worth it.