1. Numbers don't lie, finally did a budget and um, yikes.

After getting up the nerve to see why my cc balance was moving so slow, I got up even more nerve to look @ my spending. Having reached a key point in the year, the first quarter, I had 4 full months of statements to tally. It was painful, it was shameful and more than the final amount of debt I owed, 2 months since doing it, I can say it has been the most significant thing to have turned me around for the better.

See, I always had a vague idea of what I was spending but didn't realize how obscenely above my means I was living. The allure of plastic kept me in denial and in the dark. I mean I could be in the negative dollar wise, but so long as my card had room, still manage to charge up a couple hundred dollars in clothes and shoes.

Did I mention shame?

I did it all in an Excel spreadsheet making a category for each expense. Then I made a new sheet w/my income from job #1 only and all the expenses. I was in the red and bleeding badly. I trimmed all the "non essentials" still in the red. How the hell was I doing this? Two words, credit cards. I was using the paid off ones and paying them in full, leaving myself w/less overall money.

At that point, I took out every single credit card out of my wallet and put them in a drawer. As of this today, I only walk w/2 pieces of plastic. My debit card and my rewards card for gasoline purchases only.

I kept trimming and trimming and if I cut out ALL non essentials and budget my food, I could make it. I won't be happy, but I'd make it. The final step was to see how much I net from job #2 on average. While I never wanted to be financially dependent on it, I came to a happy medium.

In my current budget, I have enough to pay the minimums on my debt. That allowed me to shift Target card payment to job#2 and use the "extra" $265 to pay off the smaller debts. Whatever extra I net from job# will also go towards it and this serves 2 purposes.

It gives me a bit of breathing room in my monthly budget, yet if something happens to my hours @ job#2, the main job will still cover me and that'll just be a "lean month". When hours are plentiful, I'll pay off the smaller debts that much sooner and have even more money to pay down the Target card.

Which brings me to...

2. Lean months are coming

Oh how I kvetched when the reality of my situation kicked in. It wasn't fair! How can I live like this? The horror the horror. But as wounded as I felt, I also felt a bit of relief and dare I say, control. For the first time in like ever, I knew, raw #'s knew, what brought in each month and what went out.

It's been a little over 2 months since I decided to take better control. This debt pay down journey has been a long time coming, hard sloughing, and I still have a ways to go to get to where I want to be. I can't say that I'm on a budget or spending plan or whatever. I can't say I'll go bare minimum on money I can control like food. But I can say I have stopped the bleeding by not using cc's only to pay it in full @ months end and I am more aware of what I have allotted to each expense.

The last Excel sheet I created was to trim down my expenses to the most necessary, there is still room to cut, and each month I plug in what I have and the numbers in little box @ the top tell me if I am ok, by staying black, or showing up in red, meaning I am overspending. I have also taken to posting my debt in advance in MS money so even when my online acct says I have a few hundred, I tend to remember the amount MS money projects me to have till I get paid again.

3.Going back to school??

Uh. Yes. I took the plunge and applied and now have to finish my song and dance routine to get in. Long story short, if I go back now, I *may* get a job in my chosen field or internship or something that I can use while in school vs. waiting to pay off all my debt and try to go back later. I am going to do community college route first, to get all major and minor course out of the way for cheaper, then get my BA at the 4 year school.

The biggest part is, I'm paying as I go. Even if it means taking 1 or 2 classes each semester till my finances and employment situation changes, so be it.

4. Taking a step back to see what I have accomplished so far...

I started to write about this b/c I was getting depressed by the enormity of my situation and realized I needed to take a step back to really grasp @ where I am. I was going to do it every quarter, but when I got out the spending pattern and the lean months wrapped around my brain, I started trying to pick up as many extra shifts as possible @ job#2, which explains the times I don't post as much here.

Now it'll be a mid way report and I'll try to pick it up again in 3 months and from then on out, do it quarterly.

This last clifhanger will be addressed @ the end of the month.