For the first time in err...7 months, I feel normal. I think the two weeks off from job#2 was not only a long time coming, but is finally sinking in. The last 3 afternoons I have done nada. Matter of fact, when I got in today, I took a nap!

When I went to lunch I realized how normal I felt and wondered why it took 3 days to sink in. I think it's cuz, my schedule tends to be 1 day on, 2 days off, 2 days on, etc etc. So it had to be something unusual, like 3 days in a row and realizing I won't be back in that building for 2 whole weeks to grasp that I'm really really off.

My biggest struggle was the loss of income, but when it got to the point I didn't even care I knew I needed to take some time off. I have one full week pay, about 15 hours to get next week. Then the next check will only have a week on it too, since the first week of that pay period is part of my break. Oh well, my bills will keep ;)

Once I feel up to it, I will update my progress for month 8, does it even matter where I am @ 6 months in? I was supposed to do that too. I think I avoided it b/c in a way I just want to see the year end numbers and not feel pressured, I dunno, maybe I'll update that as well.

Next week I have orientation, I'm not sure when my actual start date will be, I'm still in a bit of limbo, but even that I'm not rushing. Instead I'm planning a day trip out of town, we were going to do a 2 night thing but need more time to research so put that off till mid October, so I have the next 2 weekends free. This weekend will be to catch up on personal stuff which will leave next weekend to go away for the day.

Then I'll be back to juggling 3 gigs...joy!

When I go "blog-silent" I have somthing major going on in the offline world. I got another J-O-B! which will now be the main job #2 and current job #2 will move into job #3 status.

It's been a LOOOONG time coming, searching, finding, applying, interviewing but especially waiting. That was the hardest. I was so emotionally mentally drained last week, I ended up taking 2 weeks off from job #3 just to cool my heals and decompress.

I officially recieved the offer today and am in the process of doing the preliminary stuff for a few more days till my official start date. I'm just so very tired right now. I was going to trim back my hours on job #2 (the retail gig) for a few months anyway, so for the immediate future, I'll work there fri & sat nights. the new gig will be mon - thur nights and I'll actually have Sunday off.

The workaholic in me is trying hard to resist scheduling 4-5 hours of work time and instead will use that day to rest, get my house in order and do personal things.

I may also go away either this weekend or next, just to get out of town and if I don't go now, my next chance won't be till mid October, but I'll play that by ear.

Right now I'm just going to catch up on some movies and try real hard to get the super big grin off of my face :D

Two months str8 being on time, and 3rd time proves to be the charm in breaking that record. Anyhoo, lets get to the meat and potatoes:

Here is where I was 6/8/08:

Here is where I am as of 7/8/08:

1. William & Fudge. Last month $2,426.81. Now I owe $2,276.81.

2. Direct Student Loan. Last month $7,336.31. Now I owe $7,250.40.

3. Target Visa (+ Federal Taxes). Last month I owed $8,445.19. Now I owe $7,764.96.

4. Sallie Mae. Last month $23,192.30. Now I owe $23,061.73.

Grand totals: Last month I was $41,400.61 in debt. Now I am $40,353.90 in debt.

In the last 30 days I have paid down $1046.71.

Something is terribly off in my figures this month and honesly, I'm too tired to try to figure it out or even care @ this point. It's been a LOOOOONG month. Not sure if it's purely the dog days of summer getting to me, the fact that I'm fast losing interest in Job#2, I'm feeling stuck, @ a stalemate, unmotivated, etc, but I'm just over it right now.

I didn't add this into the overall picture, though it counts. I transferred $950 from Target to a 1.99% promo w/my Wamu Visa. That will be paid off before the rate resets in February by paying $118.75/mo for the next 6 months. The interest is a few bucks, I'll get more specific about this in another post, but after crunching the #'s, I'll save about $100-150 in interest charges w/that move.

Why the numbers just DON'T freaking add up, if I add back in the $880 that is currently owed on that card, which remember originally comes from Target, I end up being in MORE debt this month than last month.

I'm hoping by August 8th, thing's will fall back into place, I'll see the change in monthly finance charges for Target, but most importantly, I'll get my motivation mojo back :\

- Numbers don't lie, finally did a budget and um, yikes! - Lean months are coming - Going back to school?? - Taking a step back to see what I have accomplished so far

Tackling the remaining topics I left dangling

1. Numbers don't lie, finally did a budget and um, yikes.

After getting up the nerve to see why my cc balance was moving so slow, I got up even more nerve to look @ my spending. Having reached a key point in the year, the first quarter, I had 4 full months of statements to tally. It was painful, it was shameful and more than the final amount of debt I owed, 2 months since doing it, I can say it has been the most significant thing to have turned me around for the better.

See, I always had a vague idea of what I was spending but didn't realize how obscenely above my means I was living. The allure of plastic kept me in denial and in the dark. I mean I could be in the negative dollar wise, but so long as my card had room, still manage to charge up a couple hundred dollars in clothes and shoes.

Did I mention shame?

I did it all in an Excel spreadsheet making a category for each expense. Then I made a new sheet w/my income from job #1 only and all the expenses. I was in the red and bleeding badly. I trimmed all the "non essentials" still in the red. How the hell was I doing this? Two words, credit cards. I was using the paid off ones and paying them in full, leaving myself w/less overall money.

At that point, I took out every single credit card out of my wallet and put them in a drawer. As of this today, I only walk w/2 pieces of plastic. My debit card and my rewards card for gasoline purchases only.

I kept trimming and trimming and if I cut out ALL non essentials and budget my food, I could make it. I won't be happy, but I'd make it. The final step was to see how much I net from job #2 on average. While I never wanted to be financially dependent on it, I came to a happy medium.

In my current budget, I have enough to pay the minimums on my debt. That allowed me to shift Target card payment to job#2 and use the "extra" $265 to pay off the smaller debts. Whatever extra I net from job# will also go towards it and this serves 2 purposes.

It gives me a bit of breathing room in my monthly budget, yet if something happens to my hours @ job#2, the main job will still cover me and that'll just be a "lean month". When hours are plentiful, I'll pay off the smaller debts that much sooner and have even more money to pay down the Target card.

Which brings me to...

2. Lean months are coming

Oh how I kvetched when the reality of my situation kicked in. It wasn't fair! How can I live like this? The horror the horror. But as wounded as I felt, I also felt a bit of relief and dare I say, control. For the first time in like ever, I knew, raw #'s knew, what brought in each month and what went out.

It's been a little over 2 months since I decided to take better control. This debt pay down journey has been a long time coming, hard sloughing, and I still have a ways to go to get to where I want to be. I can't say that I'm on a budget or spending plan or whatever. I can't say I'll go bare minimum on money I can control like food. But I can say I have stopped the bleeding by not using cc's only to pay it in full @ months end and I am more aware of what I have allotted to each expense.

The last Excel sheet I created was to trim down my expenses to the most necessary, there is still room to cut, and each month I plug in what I have and the numbers in little box @ the top tell me if I am ok, by staying black, or showing up in red, meaning I am overspending. I have also taken to posting my debt in advance in MS money so even when my online acct says I have a few hundred, I tend to remember the amount MS money projects me to have till I get paid again.

3.Going back to school??

Uh. Yes. I took the plunge and applied and now have to finish my song and dance routine to get in. Long story short, if I go back now, I *may* get a job in my chosen field or internship or something that I can use while in school vs. waiting to pay off all my debt and try to go back later. I am going to do community college route first, to get all major and minor course out of the way for cheaper, then get my BA at the 4 year school.

The biggest part is, I'm paying as I go. Even if it means taking 1 or 2 classes each semester till my finances and employment situation changes, so be it.

4. Taking a step back to see what I have accomplished so far...

I started to write about this b/c I was getting depressed by the enormity of my situation and realized I needed to take a step back to really grasp @ where I am. I was going to do it every quarter, but when I got out the spending pattern and the lean months wrapped around my brain, I started trying to pick up as many extra shifts as possible @ job#2, which explains the times I don't post as much here.

Now it'll be a mid way report and I'll try to pick it up again in 3 months and from then on out, do it quarterly.

This last clifhanger will be addressed @ the end of the month.

One thing is a given, if I'm not posting, it's b/c I'm offline working as many hours as possible, which has been the case for the last 4 weeks. May was a rough month, I had my car tags due, insurance renewed and overspent money that could've went towards my overall debt. Oh yeah, I had vet fees and for the first time in almost 6 months took a vacation.

All of the above was charged and have been paid in full and officially leaves me w/the Target card and the capital one card that paid my fed taxes from April. Geez Louise will this viscious cycle ever end? I'm hoping so and have decided to use June 1 as the turning point, both financially and blog(ially) if that even is a word.

Financially I'm committed to not incur any unecessary future debt from June 1st going forward. That is a BIGGIE. While I've been doing a good job since last November, I strayed a few weeks and wasn't as disciplined as I could've been and had tiny setbacks, while I've caught up, I could've been that much closer to being debt free.

Live and learn I s'pose.

As part of that commitment and what'll help me blog here on a daily basis, is I'm going to start posting waht I spend every single day. The biggest benefit to me is it'll help keep my spending check, I'll think twice if I want to confess I just spent blew $60 on ju-ju beans. I promise you I haven't.

The daily posting will start this Saturday on the 7th and I'll back post it to include the 1st thru 6th. Lucky for rme, 100% of my spending is done on my debit card, wait, that's not a good thing to brag about. I just hate carrying cash around. But for this month I'll do my normaly spending pattern and next month, I'll look into withdrawing money to walk around with vs. hitting the card.

Suprisingly ontime this month, considering the fact that every fiber of my being hurts, but I'm off tomorrow so it's all good right?

Here is where I was 4/8/08:

Here is where I am as of today:

1. William & Fudge. Last month $2,726.81. Now I owe $2,576.81.

2. Direct Student Loan. Last month $7,513.69. Now I owe $7,425.99.

3. Target Visa (+ Federal Taxes). Last month I owed $9,093.84. Now I owe $8,710.19.

4. Sallie Mae. Last month $23,542.20. Now I owe $23,381.49.

Grand totals: Last month I was $42,876.54 in debt. Now I am $42,094.48 in debt.

In the last 30 days I have paid down $782.06, resulting in not much progress. Or so it seems. Let me just say, compound interest is a bitch, more on that later.

In my defense, I can't always have stellar months where I pay off cards in full, it was exentuating circumstances the first few months of the year that helped me pay off the smaller debts, plus I had more motivation. Now I'm tackling the multi thousand dollar debts and compound interest is totally working against me. I also gave up on the third job last month, I had a HUGEEEEE tax bill to pay, I have car tags and insurance due, it was my mom's bday and mothers day, so the extra hundred of dollars that could've went to my debt had more pressing matters to attend to.

So it goes.

A few things I need to do and while I am HORRIBLE @ following up on my blog cilffhangers, I promise to try better.

- Compound Interest is kicking my ass
- Numbers don't lie, finally did a budget and um, yikes!
- Lean months are coming
- Going back to school??
- Taking a step back to see what I have accomplished so far

I hate neglecting the site but debt calls. I had a stint of working 9 days in a row in Job #2, all a blur now, then one day off, then 5 days on and now the month is over. I did manage to getaway for a few days, I was scheduled off last Fri and Sat and took a vacay day from job #1 and headed down to Savannah and Tybee Island for a day, just to get out of my rut, get some rays and see the ocean.

As well meaning as the trip was, I still came back with more aggravation than I left w/, the family issues never seem to end and w/April being almost over, a monty which by the way is threatening to set me back debt wise in a major way (taxes, State taxes, car tags, insurance, loss of job #3), I'm just numb to it all.

It'll get better, I now it will.

In the mean time, I made small gains in my overall pay down strategy, but I am in no rush to get a third job. For now I'm just going to stick w/what I have, it's keeping me relatively sane. I also need to get my arse back to school, so that'll be the plan for this summer, get all my papers in order, even if it means taking one class on the weekend till my financial situation improves, so be it.

Doing this 2 days early b/c I'm scheduled to work EVERY FREAKIN NIGHT this week...*ahem*

Here is where I was 3/8/08:

Here is where I am as of today:

1. Capital 1 Gold (+ GA Taxes). Last month $4,873.29. Today it is Paid in FULL!.

2. William & Fudge. Last month $2,876.81. Now I owe $2,726.81.

3. Direct Student Loan. Last month $7,603.81. Now I owe $7,513.69.

4. Target Visa (+ Federal Taxes). Last month I owed $8,940.81. Now I owe $9,093.84.

5. Sallie Mae. Last month $23,734.48. Now I owe $23,542.20.

Grand totals: Last month I was $47,883.20 in debt. Now I am $42,876.54 in debt.

In the last 30 days I have paid down $5,006.66, resulting in me paying off 1 more credit card and consequently, my GA Tax bill!!

Put it like this, when you do not see me updating this blog for weeks on end, I'm offline trying to make money...heh

I'm not sure what's up w/the Target balance of going up, I didn't make any purchases on the card, if anything, I was more likely to have been bleary eyed when I did the update last month. Oh well.

For some reason, I'm not feeling accomplished. Looking @ the numbers on paper, I can see something was done, I can grasp that 5k is nothing to sneeze @, yet I still feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I don't know exactly @ what point will I feel like I'm making progress, maybe when all cc's are paid off? when I have 1 student loan left? I dunno.

********

So I quit job #3, it was insane and I'll leave it @ that. No regrets nor any rush to find another job#3. I've just been taking it easy the last 2 weeks, enjoying a few days a week off and as of last week, decided to open up my availability for job# 2 and as much as that place irks me, it's pretty much a no brainer to just show up and get my job done.

Plus for better mental health, I've changed my time to leave @ 9pm Mon - Thurs, Friday nights I'll stay till whenever, plus I don't mind going in on Friday, traffic is off the wall, why not get paid right? On the weekends, I work till 2pm. This week, being my first since the change, I have 25 hours which is pretty good, and I'm off on Saturday.

Does it cut into my overall plan, just a bit, but again, my goal is do pay an extra $500/mo to existing debt an as you can tell from last month, I exceeded that goal by $4,000...hee!!

One more thing that soured my mood a bit, is that I lost out on some ad money last month. The good thing is, I never rely on that money, it's always in addition to what I make @ job #2 so on paper, it's no biggie. I also got a smaller ad, so I didn't completely lose out on much.

********

One last note on payments, I made a strategic decision to pay off the capital one gold card before the smaller debt. Reason being, that debt has no interest. Matter of fact, interest is the main reason I cleared out an old acct to pay off that card. @ the start of the year, I was earning 5% interest, and this week it went down to 2.96%. That day, I also happened to open up my cc acct and checked the monthly finance charge.

You know where this is going right?

I'd have been a dope to keep holding onto that $1,500 and earning about $3/mo when that 5k in debt was costing me $65/mo. I totally feel the same way about the Target debt. I cringe when I see how much interest I'm doling out, so the new plan will continue. Pay that off as soon as I can, and pay the minimum on the W&F loan, which if I keep @ the minimum payment of $150/mo, will be paid in full by Sept of next year.

********

Yet, I'm still all blah. I think I know what the prob is, while I'm working so very hard to become debt free, I have pending debts that can't be avoided, 2008 Taxes, state and feds (due in April); car registration, car emissions, insurance renewal (all due in May); tires, tune up, hair care (flexible I guess) and a few more things, so guess what kind of catch 22 I'm stuck in?

Either use existing cash to pay the new debt, or pay off the cc and end up putting the new debt back onto the paid in full cc. Ugh. Yea, that's what's been sticking in my craw for the last few days.

It has helped me reevaluate much of what I'm currently doing, I haven't been being super strict w/myself in terms of my finances. I can possibly squeeze more money out of my daily spending to set aside for the upcoming debt. I can pick up extra hours from job#2. If I can avg 25 hours/week for the rest of this month, I can get $700 and use 1/2 of that to take care of the car, still leaving $350 to pay down on debt and I can try to eek out and extra $150 from my main money (job #1), which if I tighten the spending belt, may be doable.

We'll see. Stranger things have happened to me, who knows. Maybe that fairy debtmother will shine her light and give me the 43k I need to make the rest of my debt completely disappear.

Whew, just finishing balancing MS Money. As much as I love that pgm, I HATE balancing it, more specifically, my daily bank acct, it's a pain to track all those transactions from my debit card. Plus, I'm tired. Bone tired. Eyes tired, even my hair is tired.

For 2+ weeks now I've been working 80+ hours, non stop, no days off. Is it worth it? Sometimes I wonder.

This week training for Job #3 ended and we went "live" so by the last day of the work week, yesterday, I was just fried. On my break I wondered how much longer I can do this, not the 80+ hour thing, this particular job, it's sooo much, I just feel overwhelmed and not really happy.

The trainers of this job know it's rough, so they asked us all to give it @ least 3 weeks before we make a final decision. I'm a strong person, or @ least I'd like to believe I am so I'm going to commit to @ least that. I can't see beyond that right now.

Plus, I got a new computer specifically for the gig, so I told myself I'll @ least pay it in full via this job an if I can make it longer, well it's all gravy.

And the fact of the matter is, even if I walk away, I'll pretty much need to go thru the entire process again nailing a 3rd gig. I guess I'm just trying to find something low key, minor learning curve, decent pay and hours I can work w/. Perhaps I'm asking for too much so I'll keep on keeping on.

April 4th is the first payday we get paid for our training and live shifts to date, then we get paid every other Friday. It almost works out to my other job #3 and I must say, the best thing about the two extra gigs is, I end up getting a paycheck every single week of which I'll funnel every penny to the extra debt and do a portion to paying off the new computer, which by the way I was able to finance @ 0% interest for a bit over a year.

If I don't see myself sticking around Job #3 for a long time, then I'll use the entire paycheck to get it paid in full. If I can get to 3 weeks and see beyond, then I'll set about 1/3 of each check to pay it off in time so I have that much more money to go to my other debt.

Oh and the computer, it was part need, part desire and part a "treat" for all the work and progess I've been making. A friend of mine said what I need to do every so often, and I know I should do it, is every milestone, just reward myself w/something fun for all the hard work and take a break to enjoy what I'm doing or else I'm going to start being resentful. I know she has a point and I made an unspoken decision, especially after paying off the car, to get the computer.

Ok, I've been offline for about 2 weeks b/c...I GOT ANOTHER JOB...#3 that is. It's been a process to say the least.

Long story short, as I was exiting previous job#3, I was already putting my feelers out and had a few nibbles. A nibble turned into a bite and by the week I picked up my final paycheck from them, I got and accepted the offer. Took about another week to get all my paperwork in and bam...I'm done.

I started training this week and have another week, then a soft start then I start for real.

On the upside, it pays more per hour and I pretty much work the same amount of hours, 20 per week. It's a set schedule, 6:30-10:30 5 nights a week. I'll be working from W-S, my "weekend" off will be M & T. The downside is, I have to stick with the schedule for 60 or 90 days, before I can change it I think and be in the position for 6 mos before I can apply for something else.

Other than that, I have little free time again, what else is new. Job #2 (the retail gig) has DRASTICALLY cut hours, which sucks. Truthfully I was a bit burnt out so the downtime in February came in handy, but to do what I need to do, I must net @ least $500/mo from the part time gigs, so I need job #2 to give me @ least 10 hours a week, a scant 2 shifts, but they are chopping hours so bad, last saturday I was scheduled to come in for 3 hours. 3. I prefer 5, I can tolerate 4, but 3 hours means aprox $20 and accounting for gas and the stress of closing the store, being one of 3 people when we really need 10, it wasn't worth it, so I asked them to just take me off. then this week I had to take off, zero hours, b/c I'm training towards the end of the week.

I changed my schedule w/them to work Sa & Sun till 2pm and T & W nights. When training is over, I'll be able to work till 4-5pm on the weekends and M & T nights. I'll see how it goes.

I have much to update w/my debt, been making steady progress in getting things paid off. I had to incur some expenses, like w/the new job, I really need a new computer. I've been wanting one for a long time, but couldn't justify the expense. I went ahead and ordered one and will use a portion of the check from job #3 to pay it off. I have a year of 0% interest, so that should work out fine.

More later...

It was sooooooooooooo hard to go into Job #3 yesterday. I was tempted just to not show up, but I have a final check to get friday and tuesday ends the pay period. So I said fine, I won't show up today and just blow off the last 3 shifts, plus they seemed to have cut my last day, next tuesday, from the schedule and if that's the case, was it even worth it to work 3 days and have to go back in 2 weeks to collect a check, I don't trust them mailing it.

Plus, I don't know, something about Heath Ledger dying yesterday, which I found out when I finally pumped myself up to just go in, made me think deeply about life in general. Was it worth it to be somewhere that I am so unhappy both mentally and financially? Why was I even feeling bothered they didn't once ask why I was leaving or even made an attempt to ask me to stay? Would I have stayed on for more money or the ego stroking?

So all evening long I thought it over and finally asked the HR manager who closed w/me what happened to the final tuesday, I thought it was some conspiracy to get me out the door and if she said well we didn't need you, rather than bail on them, even if I wuold've had a secret joy out of it, i would've suggested we both get something out of it and let's make yesterday's Tuesday my last day so I don't have have to come back for about $65-75 (what I'd make in the 3 days vs. $115 in the 4).

She was in shock, said the owner must have done something and went back and put me on the schedule and getting $115 is worth the trip back. Plus, even though it's essentially a throw away job, nothing related to my field, something short term and while i'll add it to my work history, it's not somethign I'd highlight on my resume, I still have a better work ethic than that.

As for Job #2's raise, that's a whole 'nother blog post, I did follow up w/the Store Manager on Sunday and he said he'll have more info for me next time I see him, which'll be later this week, so we'll see. I chatted w/another coworker about her job @ starbucks, so I've looked into that, her tips alone make the place sound tempting, but I'm not a waitress/restaurant type, I'm more a retail/clothing store type.

(forgive the typos, I'm pretty beat this morning and my eyes ares till bleary)

On a rare night off, my first in almost 2 full months I think, though I did go into Job #3 to cover them for an hour, I just spent some time updating MS Money, it's sooooo much easier when it's been done on a weekly basis, I didn't find myself groaning @ the thought of it and w/3-5 transactions, all accounts are in balance, WOOT! But the debt remains POUTS!

Anyhoo, as my time is drawing near on Job #3, I have been working behind the scenes on ways to replace the income. Some conventional, some not so much.

I have 3 places that have flexible evening times, meaning I can be home and in bed by 10:30 or so and work the days I was already working. If worse comes to worse, I can make Job #2 a Saturday PM Sunday AM job only and free up Mon to Fri as most jobs I was fairly interested had those days as requirements.

I have on interview next Saturday and started to fill out another app tonight, but need all my dates & history and stuff which I have to get tomorrow. Those are the conventional routes.

As for being creative, if I really had to count it, I have a Job #4 and a Job #5, albeit easier work and while I don't spend much time talking about them, the money I bring in is fairly steady but not guaranteed, the catch 22 is, I don't have time to focus on them as much as I used it. It's ironic, the month I took on the 2 part time jobs, my income from the other 2 jobs dropped considerably. Now the time of the year may also have something to do w/it, coming up on the holidays and all, but still, it felt good to have fairly steady checks coming in.

That alone is why I am keen on getting myself another Job #3, @ least for the shorterm.

The last tidbit is, I've had a few interesting offers as it relates to this site I need to mull over. Now if I had a 50k interesing offer, there'd be nothing to mull over @ all now would there...heh...

Now that I've taken a chunk of my overall debt and spread it out over a 5 year period of repayment, I have to stay proactive and keep it front and center 24/7. I realized last spring/summer as the credit cards were being payed down, I started slacking, getting distracted, cocky even. So this year, I commit to posting monthly updates on where I'm at with the first fifth of my debt goal, $10,624.36.

With that amount, @ the very least I'll pay off all the smaller credit cards:

PayPal Buyers Credit
Capital 1 Visa
Old Navy Card
Orchard Bank Card
Ga Taxes
Toyota Car Loan
Capital 1 Gold
and $1900.72 toward Williams and Fudge.

God, if I can knock out 6 of 11 debts and *only* have student loans and taxes to deal w/for the next 4 years, I'll be pretty proud of myself.

Now how the hell am I going to pay 10624.366 in a year, easy, 885.36383333333333333333333333333 a month *snerk*

Seriously, here's what I'm thinking. So long as the 9-5 covers minimum payments, I need to make $500-600/mo in my 2nd and 3rd gig. I was netting a bit more than that in Nov and Dec, but hours are drying up and I personally cut back my availabilty. Working 80-90 hours for 2 months w/no days off meant I was heading for a burnout, I made a mental promise to take it easier in January, relax a bit trim my hours, being happy w/10 hours a week from Job #2 and 20 hours a week fro Job #3 and by February, I'll ramp things back up again.

Plus, I have been making a bit of extra loot on the side (more on that later) but herein lies my next obstacle, I am 3 days away from giving my 2 week notice on Job #3 [insert scary music now] and I don't quite have a back up plan to make up the money. I'm really doing this all on faith that something will come to me. I haven't been doing nothing, I have some leads and put my feelers out in the last week, but it's hard to get my resume and interview face on when I am working every night. One of the benefits on leaving is, I'll free up a few afternoons and hopefully I'll get another gig w/in 2 weeks or so. Oh and more on why I decided to walk away later too

In an effort to be 100% transparent and honest to myself, for the rest of this week I'm going to spell out exactly how much I owe, it burns me up I don't know my state taxes yet, where applicable, give a brief background on how the debt spiraled back out of control (specifficaly the credit cards)

As of today, I owe the following:

1. PayPal Buyers Credit (PBC) $112.50 out of $900.00
2. Capital One Visa (C1V) $468.92 out of $950.00
3. Old Navy Card (ONC) $683.44 out of $750.00
4. Orchard Bank (OB) $1,027.70 out of $1,1100
5. Capital One Gold (C1G) $2,910.32 out of $5000.00
6. Target RedCard Visa (TRV) $9,404.13 out of $9500.00

Card #1 - PBC $112.50

Logged into PayPal to make a purchase, took a chance in opening another line of credit, instead of getting the actual card, I got a line of online purchasing credit.

Card #2 - C1V $468.92

The majority of purchases on this card was made before I moved and a few household items.

Card #3 - ONC $683.44

Plain and simple, a lack of self control and thinking after all my "hard work", I "deserved" nice clothes. This after me spending the weekend of Black Friday returning almost $1k worth of clothes and goods. I vowed to myself, I have enough clothes and shoes to last me for a long while. Nothing, no matter how cheap it is is worth the hours I put in w/the part time jobs and when I really look @ how many hours, how much my feet aches to get a bi weekly check of about $250 if I'm lucky, and I can just charge up $150+ w/in 10 minutes, it makes me queasy.

Card #4 - OB $1,027.70

I thought I was doing the right thing by putting my food shopping on this card and paying it off in full each month by making $75/week payments. I had everything scheduled w/my online banking and must have missed the dates b/c the weekly payment stopped and next thing I know, the card is just about maxed out.

Add to it, a spontaneous order of a product I saw on TV, buying it for the house, back in Sept/Oct I was buying up a storm on household improvement items as you'll learn in later purchases, this is where I stand.

Card #5 - C1G $2,910.32

This card financed me moving, from renting the truck, to buying furniture for my room. It also fed me, despite buying food on the OBC, I started eating out more and more and more.

Card #6 - TRV $9,404.13

The bulk of the damage on this card came from buying a whole lotta clothes and household furnishings, then returning almost $800 worth to free up room to pay my federal taxes.

Ugly ugly ugly.

My plan of attack, is to go back to a tried and true method that worked for me in the past, the debt snowball. Working 2 part time jobs, I was able to put away a chunk of money to tide me over in the coming lean months as hours dry up and I may take a leap of faith and leave one job to find another that pays more. My modest goal is to continue to pay the minimum on all cards, while I throw @ least $500 to the smallest debt, then roll that over + the old minimum payment to the next highest.

Using that method alone, I shold have the C1V and the ONC card paid off in 2 months, and will then have $500 + $12 + $40 to add to the OBC and so on and so on.

********

On a positive note, I finished my first personal finance book of the New Year, truth be told, it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but it is a good reference and gave me some background insight on specific debt issues I had, like the federal taxes. Let's just say I'm glad I nipped it in the bud when I did, like I actually had a choice.

Next up, I'm going to give Suze Orman's new book a read. That book I got mainly to get the free $100 from Ameritrade. Even though it's an investment account and my funds are tight, I can put aside $50 a month. After 12 months, she gives you $100 reward, which is way more than I'd earn having $600 sit in a traditional savings account.

As much as I hate to admit, the long hours are starting to take a toll and I woke up this morning feeling the oh-no-I-may-be-getting-sick kinda icky. Gonna flush my system w/vitamin C and cold eze for the rest of the day.

I keep telling myself, it's not forever. Xmas day was the turning point, I was soooooooo looking forward to it as it symbolized both an end to the madness @ job #2, but my first true day off since Thanksgiving. What makes it so bad is when I finally got a chance to sit down, I almost froze in that position, my muscles hurt so much.

I'm too tired to think, too tired to pay bills. As of now, all the monies I've earned from both jobs are just sitting there. I haven't had a free second to come up w/my debt paydown plan, though mentally I pretty much know what I'm doing.

Then the stupid taxes...again..

I got a certified mail Monday saying I owe and it appears the lump sum payment I made, the one where my EA said once they see I overpaid for last year, they'll just deduct for earlier years, hasn't happened. *sigh*. I'm out of the office for job #1 till the 2nd, but I'll give him a call and hope he's still available today or tomorrow.

The good thing is the payment posted, I have all my confirmation #'s and even faxed him copies, so hopefully this is a minor oversight and not another chapter in this ugly year.

I'm so spaced out yesterday I was supposed to show up @ job #2 for 6:45 and I completely thought it was 10:15, oh well, they were understanding and to make up for it, well the lost 3 hours, I volunteered to come in today @ anytime, well they told me come in from 7-3.

Today was to be my only morning off and I was going to use it to just clean up my room and catch up on life. Then the 2 days I wasn't scheduled for job #3, new years eve & day, turns out I have to go in anyway.

So to put it plainly, I've been on vacation from job #1 this week thru the 2nd of 08, yet I've still managed to work 7 to 10pm most every night. The other good part is, I was able to take a break from the constant closing, which is a quick burn out, and work day time hours while going into job #3 and getting off by 10pm. Even that, I set up my time off so the two days I don't work there, Thurs and Fri, I was able to go in and cover the shift for the other girl who went on vacation.

Confusing, I know,

Explains why yesterday morning I had no idea where I was going and what time I needed to be ther ;)

Gotta jet...

I should've known better than to balance my finances right before bed. My mind is reeling. I avoided even looking @ my money from about the end of Oct till today and totally up all I spent, on what I spent has me feeling so queasy, so embarrased, so dejected. I am tired, but not even sleepy.

I half caught myself thinking I should've went into Job #2 and worked the over night shift from 11pm to 6am after all and it hits me, the desire to call out sick today, from both jobs, I am in no position to do that right now or any time soon. The grueling nature of both jobs, the tiny amount of pay, the extreme hours, I can't even bring myself to count, I think I'll faint @ the reality, I am so screwed right now, if I wasn't so weary, I'd likely be crying.

As hopeless and low as I'm feeling right now, I have no intention to turning to my credit cards or wanton spending to cheer myself, or exorbitant eating out, b/c the 2 months of denial has not only gotten me way deeper in debt, I've also gained so much weight, the goddamn clothes I spent a fortune on don't fit. On a happier note, I also spent the last week of November returning stuff like mad and tried to keep the frame of mind that, if I didn't wear it, can't describe it, I won't miss it and I actually don't. Well I do miss one jacket that was really cute, but I'm glad it's gone.

In the bit of down time I do have, when I'm not napping between jobs, I've taken to walkign w/a notebook and just putting my overall plans to paper while they are fresh in my head. Also, when I got around to opening email to this account, I have some good things on the horizon, so while I could kick myself for being out of comission, I do have some things in the works.

Being that I have to get up in a few hours for the main 9-5, the following paragraphs will be really random.

********

To sum up how I'm working. I do the M-F 9-5. Thurs to Sat, I do 5-midnight & Sun 8am to 3 @ Job #2, a retail gig. The last few weeks I've averaged about 20 hours working 3 of the 4 days. There is a chance as we get closer to Xmas, I may max out @ the entire 4, I don't even want to know how many hours that is. Then Sun to Wed I work 5-10:15 @ Job #3, more food related, you can say I'm an order taker/preparer, but I never touch food ;) It's not fast food, it's actually an online food biz and I process orders. I like it most b/c the hours, on a good night I'm by 10:15, 10:30 the latest, which give me plenty of time to unwind and get to bed @ a decent hour and even watch an hour or so of a Netflix movie.

It's a strenous job, on my feet the entire shift, no formal break, I eat when it's slow and it can get hectic like tonight. I was told we processed, faxed/called in about 100 order in a little over an hour.

So that's my week, w/that job I work about 24 hours and what I like is my shift is my shift. W/job #2 the hours vary, not exactly set schedule and w/so many other people, or shall I say slacker, I'm always frustrated that people just won't do their job. On the plus, b/c I worked @ that store before and w/that company even before that, I got more than the usual "seasonal starting wage", I got my old rate.

The down is that I also spent a LOT of time and money shopping in the early days, I've been there over a month now, just got my 3rd check. But like I said earlier, I returned so much stuff it's not even funny. Put it like this, @ one point in November, my rewards card w/the store had me @ over 2k in points, I was pretty close to my limit as well. By last week, w/o even making a single payment, my points were down to $200 and I owed about $25. I almost made it a game of all the things I could return, a way to cheer myself up so I wouldn't feel so deprived I guess.

Now Job #3 has it's own perks, we have an "account" and can basically order whatever we want, @ a discount, but it comes out our check. I just told the mgr today, I've got to stop snacking so much, I mostly do b/c I don't get a break and spend 5 hours discussing all sorts of food in varying kinds, from sushi to mexican to steak and dammned loaded potatoes, I just break down.

Plus @ the house of remodeling hell, we still have no kitchen so I eat on the run when I can, and the mini fridge has been full w/o any of my own stuff. The ordering in will also change this week.

********

How long can I keep this up? What about school?

Well I still haven't heard back yay or nay from the school I applied to, they keep aps open for a year so even if it's late Spring/Summer vs. the start of '08, I'll be happy. Actually I plan to use that Sat AM/Afternoon I have free to take @ least one class and / or go online.

Given the choice, as crazy hectic as it is, I do like the variety. I hate retail more, it's just such a burned out beast, but 4 days @ one place, gives me enough time away my first day back I have a vague memory of the place, plus holiday time makes the night go quick and after Xmas, we go back to the sane closing time of 9pm, being out by 11pm, home by 11:30.

Job #3 pays crap, but after I've been there 30 days, they see my work ethic yada yada, I'm going to press for more money. Will I be wiling to walk away if not? I might.

The one thing I haven't done is mixed my monies. Job #2 goes to a diff't checking account and #3, until direct deposit kicks in, haven't even been cashed yet, but will also go that that checking account.

The other cool perk, I guess, is that I get paid every week. Actually, that' really is the saving grace. Job #2 is every other Wed, Job #3 is ever other Friday. But like I mentioned earlier, I am so freaking busy, I see the money in the acct, but haven't had time to start up my next debt snowball.

Back to school though. over the weekend I caught the documentary Maxed Out and one of the segments had a woman call Dave Ramsey and in debt he made a comment like, get a (nother) job, forget about school for now and pay off that bill.

Realistically I am not going to put off going back to school till all my debt is paid off b/c I'll be a li'l ole lady by that point, or not. But I am willing to push back my start date b/c 1) after the holidays, Job #2's hours will cut back, even if they keep me on and make me officially part time and while I'm running on adrenaline now and am hopped up on coca cola and iced coffees, @ some point I will be on fumes and I may just use the entire month of Jan to hibernate and catch up on sleep.

********

The ultimate irony of course, is that up till I started the 2 gigs, I had a pretty sizeable chunk o' change from online and for some odd reason that has gone done considerably. Matter of fact, when I get my energy and wits about me, I'm going to check to see if the extra money I make p/t is the same I'd been making online, wouldn't that be a lovely kick in the tuckus?

********

As far as my debt, tonight I got all my credit cards and bank accounts, except for wachovia, balanced and current. There are new minimum payments to be made, and by new I mean WAY MORE, so I'll have to figure that out again, my primary goal for working these two jobs was to net an extra $500/mo to pay off my debt. My main checking account from my 9-5 goes to pay my expenses as normal and my 2nd checking account gets all the deposits and the first of the following month, I make a $500 GET OUT OF DEBT payment to the first victim of my debt snowball. @ this point I don't even know who gets it, so the money is still in my account.

What if I make more than I planned? as I did last month? I dunno yet, I'm tempted to let it sit there to cover the month I may be short a bit, but I really don't know just yet.

********

Taxes, that too is holding me back. As of sometime last week, or maybe the week before, my fed taxes are PAID IN FULL and I HATE to think how much extra I paid both in fees and penalties for dragging it out so long and in futre interest for putting it on my credit card, but I just couldn't take the letters and while my EA was going to present me as an "uncollectible" I just wanted the drama over.

NOw the state taxes are still pending, we got that return out last Friday, he said it'll take about 30 days for me to get current in the system and he can see what I owe. So another kick, this time in the teeth is, say I pay off one of my credit cards, I may very well have to put all that tax debt back on it, but I'll worry about that stress when it hits.

********

So this weekend I was tempted to call out. I worked Fri till midnite, was actually off Thurs afternoon which I now cherish my days off, I just want to veg and actually enjoy my room and my cats, I got a new kitten last month. I went in @ 7-midnight Sat, after I spent the first 1/2 of the day actually putting up curtains and rearranging the room so I could actually get to the computer easily, hence me posting twice in day and reading email.

And Saturday AM/Afternoon is truly the only day I don't officially work a "double" Thursday was an unscheduled day, but again as we get close to Xmas, and I volunteer for more shifts, I could very well work all week.

And the store was a huge mess on Saturday, I'd love to rant about how customers tear up retail stores and whatnot, but why bother. So we worked our tails off, and by we and really mean this other girl I really like that works hard, we teamed up and both of us closed out 4 shops. I got home @ midnight, keyed up, talked to my mom for a bit, I think I watched a movie then tossed and turned till 2, b/c I had to be back @ work for 8 AM and work Job #3 later.

Oh how tempted I was to call in sick, I laid there and figured what'll I really make, when is my next day off, I really want to finish my room, do some laundry, go grocery shopping so I can stop eating out, update my blgos, sell some stuff online, read my email, freaking sleep, but part of my was like, you are almost 50k in debt (this was before balancing MS Money) you spent money like you were a socialite, you've been eating out every day, and the hard truth is, I am in no position to take the day off.

Don't get me wrong, I won't work myself till i drop, @ least I hope not, which is why I hate telling people offline my jobs, they start gasping and making all these negative remarks whereas right now I am super focused and need supportive, get it done feed back. But anyway I just felt like I did before, in a few weeks, I wont remember how much the day hurt, especially when I get the check, the last check from Job #2 was a little over $300 and I am pretty sure I bitched and moaned and someone pissed me off but seeing that money for the least hours I worked did my heart good.

And the next two week si the only time I can make the hours I make, in January on, I'll be lucky if I get 2 shifts/10 hours a week and even w/that I can make about $250/mo and pull the other 1/2 of my $500 goal from Job #3 and have more days off to boot.

So I guess all that to say, I can sleep in January.

********

This may be the last point/update/stream of thought, It's funny, when I drive in, I see the lotto sign climbing each week, over 100 mil and as much as I wish I could just win it, but am too lazy to make it into a gas station and buy a ticket, part of working so much is just my way, like if I had that much dough, for sure all my debts would vanish, but what would I do w/my day, what would my purpose be? I guess I've spent so much of my adult/working life in debt, paying debt, dealing w/debt, it's just who I am. Right now I am working to pay it off and perhaps, just perhaps, I got too close, I sabatoged myself, so I'd have something to "do" w/myself and now I work as much to keep busy, as a punishment too if truth be told, but also b/c it just feels right, in some twisted way.

I don't want to do it, I pretty much hate doing it, I've resigned myself to doing it, yet, I feel I can't not do it either. It's weird, I'll keep thinking it throught, but now it's quarter after 2 and I hope the mocha frap has finally worn off.

I got another job. Bonus bucks to the person who can answer the following riddle. How do I manage to work both p/t jobs 4 days a week (8 days a piece?)

Ok that was easy, I can possible work both on the same day. Right now my schedule is Job #2, Th, F, S from 5 to close and Sunday from open till noon.

Job #3 is Sun, M, T & W from 4 to 10pm. So there ya go.

Today I go in for training from about 11 to 6 and hopefully will be on the schedule next week. This week Job #2 had me down for 30 hours!!! But I had to call out today so I can attend training.

Yes, it's crazy, I am EXHAUSTED, I basically crashed on Turkey Day, went to work @ 4AM Friday and got off work @ midnight last night. If I don't update my blogs now, the rest of the week is toast. In spite of the 30 hours, well 26 after calling out today, I suspect this will be a light week in comparison to what's to come.

A few things give me comfort. It's only going to be super crazy for about 3-4 weeks. This is the rare time of the year I can make boocoup bucks, I can sleep in January. And it's also making me realize the value of a dollar in a weird way. Now I see how physically tiring it is to work say 5-7 hours and what that net pay is, makes me think twice about even buying anything aside from food for energy.

Just a quick update on my taxes. Spoke to the outstanding W2 and it turns out there is a software problem. It won't open the CD and it's been almost 3 weeks now. Then I spoke to my EA and he said he'll give it another week and if nothing, he'll contact the SSA and see if they have a record on how much state taxes were paid. I didn't even ask, "And if not". I'll just hope for the best @ this point.

He also sent out a repayment plan agreement for me to sign. I haven't talked to him yet about just paying it in full w/my cc, I still go back and forth on it, not knowing how much state is, but I should get the mail W or Th and by then I'll figure out what to do.

Other than that, started Gig #2 last week, 3 nights (2 training/1 actual shift) I should be grateful, by Sat night they were cutting hours and most of the other newbies got cut. Then I had more training S, where I stood in place for almost 2 hours str8 and by S night my back was WRECKED. I'm still popping Doans.

I work 2nite and have 2 more shifts this week, though I did hear them talking about cutting hours so who knows. A co-worker made a good point, most of us, if not all, who came in for seasonal want HOURS and putting us on a schedule only to cut it isn't helping. I know things will pick up beyond belief @ least by Thanksgiving weekend and by then I'll increase my availabilty, more nights & earlier hours, and when I average out my start date to the end of the year, I'll average a couple hundred a month. All that to say, I'll hang in there a few more weeks.

So I ended up passing on the 2nd source of online income...it wasn't quite worh it. I know I know your prolly thinking *SLAP* your are in debt do what you gotta do, but trust me, it wasn't worth it. The upside is I gained my time to get some other things done, so I may be taking a bit of a loss in the short run, I should be able to make up for it in the next 3 months. Sorry I can't be very specific, it's a small world and the blog world is even smaller, so there ya go.

Oh and I got not 1, but 2 sources, of online rev so Hoorah!

I have my 2-3 sites on the backburner, I'm more leaning towards 2, the 3rd one is not really the way I want to go for me, but the other 2 are things I'm passionate about. I want to make a bit more headway in paying off the cc before I use money to invest in those sites, I'm thinking May I should have @ least 1 up.

Next time I update, my $15 credit from Capital One, seems I was a bit zealous in my repayment. I'd like them to transfer it over to my other card or refund it ASAP, bastards charge crazy interest but pays not a cent. Harumph.