- Numbers don't lie, finally did a budget and um, yikes! - Lean months are coming - Going back to school?? - Taking a step back to see what I have accomplished so far

Tackling the remaining topics I left dangling

1. Numbers don't lie, finally did a budget and um, yikes.

After getting up the nerve to see why my cc balance was moving so slow, I got up even more nerve to look @ my spending. Having reached a key point in the year, the first quarter, I had 4 full months of statements to tally. It was painful, it was shameful and more than the final amount of debt I owed, 2 months since doing it, I can say it has been the most significant thing to have turned me around for the better.

See, I always had a vague idea of what I was spending but didn't realize how obscenely above my means I was living. The allure of plastic kept me in denial and in the dark. I mean I could be in the negative dollar wise, but so long as my card had room, still manage to charge up a couple hundred dollars in clothes and shoes.

Did I mention shame?

I did it all in an Excel spreadsheet making a category for each expense. Then I made a new sheet w/my income from job #1 only and all the expenses. I was in the red and bleeding badly. I trimmed all the "non essentials" still in the red. How the hell was I doing this? Two words, credit cards. I was using the paid off ones and paying them in full, leaving myself w/less overall money.

At that point, I took out every single credit card out of my wallet and put them in a drawer. As of this today, I only walk w/2 pieces of plastic. My debit card and my rewards card for gasoline purchases only.

I kept trimming and trimming and if I cut out ALL non essentials and budget my food, I could make it. I won't be happy, but I'd make it. The final step was to see how much I net from job #2 on average. While I never wanted to be financially dependent on it, I came to a happy medium.

In my current budget, I have enough to pay the minimums on my debt. That allowed me to shift Target card payment to job#2 and use the "extra" $265 to pay off the smaller debts. Whatever extra I net from job# will also go towards it and this serves 2 purposes.

It gives me a bit of breathing room in my monthly budget, yet if something happens to my hours @ job#2, the main job will still cover me and that'll just be a "lean month". When hours are plentiful, I'll pay off the smaller debts that much sooner and have even more money to pay down the Target card.

Which brings me to...

2. Lean months are coming

Oh how I kvetched when the reality of my situation kicked in. It wasn't fair! How can I live like this? The horror the horror. But as wounded as I felt, I also felt a bit of relief and dare I say, control. For the first time in like ever, I knew, raw #'s knew, what brought in each month and what went out.

It's been a little over 2 months since I decided to take better control. This debt pay down journey has been a long time coming, hard sloughing, and I still have a ways to go to get to where I want to be. I can't say that I'm on a budget or spending plan or whatever. I can't say I'll go bare minimum on money I can control like food. But I can say I have stopped the bleeding by not using cc's only to pay it in full @ months end and I am more aware of what I have allotted to each expense.

The last Excel sheet I created was to trim down my expenses to the most necessary, there is still room to cut, and each month I plug in what I have and the numbers in little box @ the top tell me if I am ok, by staying black, or showing up in red, meaning I am overspending. I have also taken to posting my debt in advance in MS money so even when my online acct says I have a few hundred, I tend to remember the amount MS money projects me to have till I get paid again.

3.Going back to school??

Uh. Yes. I took the plunge and applied and now have to finish my song and dance routine to get in. Long story short, if I go back now, I *may* get a job in my chosen field or internship or something that I can use while in school vs. waiting to pay off all my debt and try to go back later. I am going to do community college route first, to get all major and minor course out of the way for cheaper, then get my BA at the 4 year school.

The biggest part is, I'm paying as I go. Even if it means taking 1 or 2 classes each semester till my finances and employment situation changes, so be it.

4. Taking a step back to see what I have accomplished so far...

I started to write about this b/c I was getting depressed by the enormity of my situation and realized I needed to take a step back to really grasp @ where I am. I was going to do it every quarter, but when I got out the spending pattern and the lean months wrapped around my brain, I started trying to pick up as many extra shifts as possible @ job#2, which explains the times I don't post as much here.

Now it'll be a mid way report and I'll try to pick it up again in 3 months and from then on out, do it quarterly.

This last clifhanger will be addressed @ the end of the month.

Ok, so last week I mentioned I was going to start posting (eventually on a daily basis) my spending, down to the penny. It'll reveal a lot about me and unfortunately as I transcribed all spending from MS Money to Notepad so I could copy and paste, I cringed w/each "reason" for spending.

*gulp* here goes nothing...

6/1-6/7
2.93 - Breakfast
8.38 - Lunch
5.95 - Hosting
39.45 - Gasoline
5.95 - Hosting
50.00 - Savings
25.00 - TD
6.46 - Fast Food
2.12 - Breakfast
8.32 - Lunch
6.79 - Fast Food
4.09 - Fast Food
10.35 - Fast Food
5.00 - Movies
4.06 - Fast Food
3.73 - Breakfast
8.32 - Lunch
150.00 - W&F
11.22 - Lunch
4.00 - Concession stand
10.00 - Movie
76.40 - Phone Bill
21.18 - Water Bill
45.03 - Cell Phone
9.29 - Lunch
4.28 - Breakfast
5.20 - 4 gallons bottled water
26.09 - Gasoline
8.42 - Lunch
10.08 - Restaurant
3.12 - Snacks
8.34 - Snacks
8.39 - Fast Food
32.48 - Groceries
2.70 - Household
11.22 - Clothing

*****

A bit more description:
Snacks = things I bought on my break while @ job #2.
Breakfast/Lunch = eating @ the cafe @ job #1
Fast Food = anything from KFC to Krystals to BK and beyond
Restaurant = the Mexican spot I eat @ before clocking into job #2
Groceries = my attempt this week to STOP the spending @ Fast Food joints and save on gas
Savings & TD = while I go back and forth about putting every penny towards debt vs. having a nest egg, since I want to go back to school this fall, I am going to pay as I go, the Savings in this case will go towards taht while TD is the Suze Orman "If you save $100/mo for a year, I'll give you $100" book thingy.

Hrm, let's see if I can turn that Ouch into a WTF? I know how, I'll ADD UP what I spent last week, fun stuff.

$644.34

WTF indeed.

53k in debt and I'm about to turn in my 2 week notice to Job #3 tomorrrow....why??

In many many many ways, it's just not worth it. While the take home pay is decent about $200 or bi weekly or $400-$450/mo, the actual job is greuling and the work enviroment is quite toxic. The point of taking on extra work is so that I can pretty much go in, do my work and not have to deal w/additional office drama and politics and not to overtax myself physically and mentally that it hurts my 9-5.

Job #3 hurts in both fronts, but I could've tolertated it a bit longer, say till summer or so if they were willing to give me more money, I am SEVERELY underpaid and not just saying that b/c everyone feels they are worth more than paid, for what the job described itself to be and what the actual work is, plus the additional skills I bring and the ever increasing added responsibility which really means, do the managers job, I feel is worth more than $4.90 and hour. Oh and did I mention no breaks and you stand for the duration of the shift which starting today is 8 hours on a Sunday, 5 hours during the week. All in all, it's safe to say the work/life balance is too out of whack adn I just don't fit in.

So early last week I sent the HR manager an email requesting more money, for over a month now I've been trying to get a sit down face to face and it's been hard. In the mail I listed all I've brought in terms of skill and ideas that not only saved them cold hard money, but were time savers that also increased productivity. I expressed my eagerness to continue contributing and noted that similar jobs pay upwards of $10/hour and I felt that'd be a fairer compensation. To clarify, the actual pay is $7/hour but I go by after tax money for accuracy and @ $10/hour it'd be closer to $7/hour and based on what they've seen me do in the last 2 months, am I worth and extra $15/a day.

Her answer?

Thanks for your hardwork, your concerns will be addressed in your 90 day performance review.

Mind you this is a small company, HR is one person, there are 2 owners, so I don't buy the BS standard form letter. If they intended to pay me more after stating my intention to stay & willingness to do more, what difference does 6 weeks make? Or why not have a face to face w/me now? What the HR manager did was the day after I sent the email, stopped by the job, it was her day off. She said she got my email but wanted to enjoy her day off so she'll see me the next day. Just her phrasing of it sounded off, but I dismissed it and said fine.

The next day, the second I walked thru the front door, I heard the back door slam and when I got on to check my email saw her reply. She ran from me. All of that just strikes me as shady. So i wrote her to see whne she'd be in again, she hems and haws and when I finally pin her down to saying she'll be in when I am, she asks me why what's up? so I didn't even reply.

And this is the too much drama I mean. I just want to go in to a job 20 hours a week, be able to turn off the part of my brain that does my 9-5 and just get my work done and go home. This is just a tip of the drama @ the job and it almost feels like the better I work, the harder I work the fact that I don't complain, makes them even madder.

It's crazy, I can't explain it properly and to be honest, I'm so over it.

Reading Suze's new book gave me the courage to quit. And going online and finding comporable jobs that pay $10-12 and hour gave me the motivation to type up my letter of resignation the same day I requested more money. I realized then I had options and it'll only be a matter of time before the ideal job situation manifests itself to me. In th meantime, I'll use the next 2 weeks to finish up working there and banking all the extra money I can.

In 2 weeks, I am also going to cut Job #2 back to a Sat/Sun gig b/c most p/t evening jobs are M-F. During the final 2 weeks I'll keep hunting for another job, I actually applied for one on Friday and am waiting to hear back from them.

So that's pretty much it. A tiny part of me wonders if I'm crazy "giving up" a job when I'm so racked w/debt and people are looking for work and why not just suck it up and do what I have to do.

I guess, the bigger part of me feels, I know who I am. I know how I work, what I contribute, what I bring and what I am worth. I may not always get 100% of what I want but in 9-5 and Job #2, I'm pretty close and am happy. It's not worth it for me to invest so much time and energy when I can make more elsewhere and while I may not make progress taking off time to find another job, I believe the time I take will pay for itself before long. Besides, me working somewhere that is clearly not a good fit, is only keeping back a job from someone else who may want to work there and work out better for them in the long run.

Now that I've taken a chunk of my overall debt and spread it out over a 5 year period of repayment, I have to stay proactive and keep it front and center 24/7. I realized last spring/summer as the credit cards were being payed down, I started slacking, getting distracted, cocky even. So this year, I commit to posting monthly updates on where I'm at with the first fifth of my debt goal, $10,624.36.

With that amount, @ the very least I'll pay off all the smaller credit cards:

PayPal Buyers Credit
Capital 1 Visa
Old Navy Card
Orchard Bank Card
Ga Taxes
Toyota Car Loan
Capital 1 Gold
and $1900.72 toward Williams and Fudge.

God, if I can knock out 6 of 11 debts and *only* have student loans and taxes to deal w/for the next 4 years, I'll be pretty proud of myself.

Now how the hell am I going to pay 10624.366 in a year, easy, 885.36383333333333333333333333333 a month *snerk*

Seriously, here's what I'm thinking. So long as the 9-5 covers minimum payments, I need to make $500-600/mo in my 2nd and 3rd gig. I was netting a bit more than that in Nov and Dec, but hours are drying up and I personally cut back my availabilty. Working 80-90 hours for 2 months w/no days off meant I was heading for a burnout, I made a mental promise to take it easier in January, relax a bit trim my hours, being happy w/10 hours a week from Job #2 and 20 hours a week fro Job #3 and by February, I'll ramp things back up again.

Plus, I have been making a bit of extra loot on the side (more on that later) but herein lies my next obstacle, I am 3 days away from giving my 2 week notice on Job #3 [insert scary music now] and I don't quite have a back up plan to make up the money. I'm really doing this all on faith that something will come to me. I haven't been doing nothing, I have some leads and put my feelers out in the last week, but it's hard to get my resume and interview face on when I am working every night. One of the benefits on leaving is, I'll free up a few afternoons and hopefully I'll get another gig w/in 2 weeks or so. Oh and more on why I decided to walk away later too

Ok, got everything current as far as stats and charts, once a month on the 8th, the chart in the far right will be updated. I'll also post a monthly recap that'll break out the debt by who I owe what too. I'm thinking of doing a weekly income/outgoing recap, but even that can be done monthly, I'll see what time permits. I also made minor tweaks to the logo and title of the site. One other thing I'll incorporate since I have a firm pay off date in mind, 1/1/13, each month I need to post a where I'm at, how far I need to go sort of post. On a grand scale my debt pay off breaks down like this:

To pay off 53121.83 in 5 years, or 60 months, I need to pay out @ least 885.37/mo (not factoring interest charges) on average, but each year I must reduce my debt by 10.5k a year. So my goal in year one is to reduce my overall debt and owe 42497.39 by 12/31/08.

********

A bit off topic, don't feel like writing up another post. What prompted me to finally update my states was the arrival of my state tax bill, a total of $1463.09 and it looks like they freaking want a check, yea, I'll get right on that *sigh*

I'll give them a call before the week is out, if I don't pay the 4 notices by the 15th, penalties will be assessed.

Truth be told, I'm glad this saga is over, though I'm dreading like hell 4/15, I guess I'll also wrap things up w/my EA this week and pray to the debt be gone gods he'll have mercy on me and just end up billing me the retainer for the last few weeks of work.

********

I also went back to my full disclosure cc post and added paypal buyers credit. Must be b/c I don't have a physical card, I completely blocked out I had it. But it's been added. I'll do a full disclosure on my loans and taxes in the next few posts...

I should've known better than to balance my finances right before bed. My mind is reeling. I avoided even looking @ my money from about the end of Oct till today and totally up all I spent, on what I spent has me feeling so queasy, so embarrased, so dejected. I am tired, but not even sleepy.

I half caught myself thinking I should've went into Job #2 and worked the over night shift from 11pm to 6am after all and it hits me, the desire to call out sick today, from both jobs, I am in no position to do that right now or any time soon. The grueling nature of both jobs, the tiny amount of pay, the extreme hours, I can't even bring myself to count, I think I'll faint @ the reality, I am so screwed right now, if I wasn't so weary, I'd likely be crying.

As hopeless and low as I'm feeling right now, I have no intention to turning to my credit cards or wanton spending to cheer myself, or exorbitant eating out, b/c the 2 months of denial has not only gotten me way deeper in debt, I've also gained so much weight, the goddamn clothes I spent a fortune on don't fit. On a happier note, I also spent the last week of November returning stuff like mad and tried to keep the frame of mind that, if I didn't wear it, can't describe it, I won't miss it and I actually don't. Well I do miss one jacket that was really cute, but I'm glad it's gone.

In the bit of down time I do have, when I'm not napping between jobs, I've taken to walkign w/a notebook and just putting my overall plans to paper while they are fresh in my head. Also, when I got around to opening email to this account, I have some good things on the horizon, so while I could kick myself for being out of comission, I do have some things in the works.

Being that I have to get up in a few hours for the main 9-5, the following paragraphs will be really random.

********

To sum up how I'm working. I do the M-F 9-5. Thurs to Sat, I do 5-midnight & Sun 8am to 3 @ Job #2, a retail gig. The last few weeks I've averaged about 20 hours working 3 of the 4 days. There is a chance as we get closer to Xmas, I may max out @ the entire 4, I don't even want to know how many hours that is. Then Sun to Wed I work 5-10:15 @ Job #3, more food related, you can say I'm an order taker/preparer, but I never touch food ;) It's not fast food, it's actually an online food biz and I process orders. I like it most b/c the hours, on a good night I'm by 10:15, 10:30 the latest, which give me plenty of time to unwind and get to bed @ a decent hour and even watch an hour or so of a Netflix movie.

It's a strenous job, on my feet the entire shift, no formal break, I eat when it's slow and it can get hectic like tonight. I was told we processed, faxed/called in about 100 order in a little over an hour.

So that's my week, w/that job I work about 24 hours and what I like is my shift is my shift. W/job #2 the hours vary, not exactly set schedule and w/so many other people, or shall I say slacker, I'm always frustrated that people just won't do their job. On the plus, b/c I worked @ that store before and w/that company even before that, I got more than the usual "seasonal starting wage", I got my old rate.

The down is that I also spent a LOT of time and money shopping in the early days, I've been there over a month now, just got my 3rd check. But like I said earlier, I returned so much stuff it's not even funny. Put it like this, @ one point in November, my rewards card w/the store had me @ over 2k in points, I was pretty close to my limit as well. By last week, w/o even making a single payment, my points were down to $200 and I owed about $25. I almost made it a game of all the things I could return, a way to cheer myself up so I wouldn't feel so deprived I guess.

Now Job #3 has it's own perks, we have an "account" and can basically order whatever we want, @ a discount, but it comes out our check. I just told the mgr today, I've got to stop snacking so much, I mostly do b/c I don't get a break and spend 5 hours discussing all sorts of food in varying kinds, from sushi to mexican to steak and dammned loaded potatoes, I just break down.

Plus @ the house of remodeling hell, we still have no kitchen so I eat on the run when I can, and the mini fridge has been full w/o any of my own stuff. The ordering in will also change this week.

********

How long can I keep this up? What about school?

Well I still haven't heard back yay or nay from the school I applied to, they keep aps open for a year so even if it's late Spring/Summer vs. the start of '08, I'll be happy. Actually I plan to use that Sat AM/Afternoon I have free to take @ least one class and / or go online.

Given the choice, as crazy hectic as it is, I do like the variety. I hate retail more, it's just such a burned out beast, but 4 days @ one place, gives me enough time away my first day back I have a vague memory of the place, plus holiday time makes the night go quick and after Xmas, we go back to the sane closing time of 9pm, being out by 11pm, home by 11:30.

Job #3 pays crap, but after I've been there 30 days, they see my work ethic yada yada, I'm going to press for more money. Will I be wiling to walk away if not? I might.

The one thing I haven't done is mixed my monies. Job #2 goes to a diff't checking account and #3, until direct deposit kicks in, haven't even been cashed yet, but will also go that that checking account.

The other cool perk, I guess, is that I get paid every week. Actually, that' really is the saving grace. Job #2 is every other Wed, Job #3 is ever other Friday. But like I mentioned earlier, I am so freaking busy, I see the money in the acct, but haven't had time to start up my next debt snowball.

Back to school though. over the weekend I caught the documentary Maxed Out and one of the segments had a woman call Dave Ramsey and in debt he made a comment like, get a (nother) job, forget about school for now and pay off that bill.

Realistically I am not going to put off going back to school till all my debt is paid off b/c I'll be a li'l ole lady by that point, or not. But I am willing to push back my start date b/c 1) after the holidays, Job #2's hours will cut back, even if they keep me on and make me officially part time and while I'm running on adrenaline now and am hopped up on coca cola and iced coffees, @ some point I will be on fumes and I may just use the entire month of Jan to hibernate and catch up on sleep.

********

The ultimate irony of course, is that up till I started the 2 gigs, I had a pretty sizeable chunk o' change from online and for some odd reason that has gone done considerably. Matter of fact, when I get my energy and wits about me, I'm going to check to see if the extra money I make p/t is the same I'd been making online, wouldn't that be a lovely kick in the tuckus?

********

As far as my debt, tonight I got all my credit cards and bank accounts, except for wachovia, balanced and current. There are new minimum payments to be made, and by new I mean WAY MORE, so I'll have to figure that out again, my primary goal for working these two jobs was to net an extra $500/mo to pay off my debt. My main checking account from my 9-5 goes to pay my expenses as normal and my 2nd checking account gets all the deposits and the first of the following month, I make a $500 GET OUT OF DEBT payment to the first victim of my debt snowball. @ this point I don't even know who gets it, so the money is still in my account.

What if I make more than I planned? as I did last month? I dunno yet, I'm tempted to let it sit there to cover the month I may be short a bit, but I really don't know just yet.

********

Taxes, that too is holding me back. As of sometime last week, or maybe the week before, my fed taxes are PAID IN FULL and I HATE to think how much extra I paid both in fees and penalties for dragging it out so long and in futre interest for putting it on my credit card, but I just couldn't take the letters and while my EA was going to present me as an "uncollectible" I just wanted the drama over.

NOw the state taxes are still pending, we got that return out last Friday, he said it'll take about 30 days for me to get current in the system and he can see what I owe. So another kick, this time in the teeth is, say I pay off one of my credit cards, I may very well have to put all that tax debt back on it, but I'll worry about that stress when it hits.

********

So this weekend I was tempted to call out. I worked Fri till midnite, was actually off Thurs afternoon which I now cherish my days off, I just want to veg and actually enjoy my room and my cats, I got a new kitten last month. I went in @ 7-midnight Sat, after I spent the first 1/2 of the day actually putting up curtains and rearranging the room so I could actually get to the computer easily, hence me posting twice in day and reading email.

And Saturday AM/Afternoon is truly the only day I don't officially work a "double" Thursday was an unscheduled day, but again as we get close to Xmas, and I volunteer for more shifts, I could very well work all week.

And the store was a huge mess on Saturday, I'd love to rant about how customers tear up retail stores and whatnot, but why bother. So we worked our tails off, and by we and really mean this other girl I really like that works hard, we teamed up and both of us closed out 4 shops. I got home @ midnight, keyed up, talked to my mom for a bit, I think I watched a movie then tossed and turned till 2, b/c I had to be back @ work for 8 AM and work Job #3 later.

Oh how tempted I was to call in sick, I laid there and figured what'll I really make, when is my next day off, I really want to finish my room, do some laundry, go grocery shopping so I can stop eating out, update my blgos, sell some stuff online, read my email, freaking sleep, but part of my was like, you are almost 50k in debt (this was before balancing MS Money) you spent money like you were a socialite, you've been eating out every day, and the hard truth is, I am in no position to take the day off.

Don't get me wrong, I won't work myself till i drop, @ least I hope not, which is why I hate telling people offline my jobs, they start gasping and making all these negative remarks whereas right now I am super focused and need supportive, get it done feed back. But anyway I just felt like I did before, in a few weeks, I wont remember how much the day hurt, especially when I get the check, the last check from Job #2 was a little over $300 and I am pretty sure I bitched and moaned and someone pissed me off but seeing that money for the least hours I worked did my heart good.

And the next two week si the only time I can make the hours I make, in January on, I'll be lucky if I get 2 shifts/10 hours a week and even w/that I can make about $250/mo and pull the other 1/2 of my $500 goal from Job #3 and have more days off to boot.

So I guess all that to say, I can sleep in January.

********

This may be the last point/update/stream of thought, It's funny, when I drive in, I see the lotto sign climbing each week, over 100 mil and as much as I wish I could just win it, but am too lazy to make it into a gas station and buy a ticket, part of working so much is just my way, like if I had that much dough, for sure all my debts would vanish, but what would I do w/my day, what would my purpose be? I guess I've spent so much of my adult/working life in debt, paying debt, dealing w/debt, it's just who I am. Right now I am working to pay it off and perhaps, just perhaps, I got too close, I sabatoged myself, so I'd have something to "do" w/myself and now I work as much to keep busy, as a punishment too if truth be told, but also b/c it just feels right, in some twisted way.

I don't want to do it, I pretty much hate doing it, I've resigned myself to doing it, yet, I feel I can't not do it either. It's weird, I'll keep thinking it throught, but now it's quarter after 2 and I hope the mocha frap has finally worn off.

Yesterday, after months of being in denial and avoiding the inevitable, I finally made the call to get someone to help me out w/the IRS. Can I just say, once I spoke to someone and didn't feel judged or insulted or any worse than I had been feeling over the weekend, I felt as if a dark cloud was removed from my being.

Now this isn't "free" help, but w/how bad things had gotten, plus my permanent paralysis of even trying to talk to an agent on the phone or in an office, fears of being led away in handcuffs haunted me, it's worth both the financial price and the peace @ mind price.

The first step, we did yesterday, was info gathering and authorizing them to speak on my behalf. I also got around to sending the W2s and today I hunt for some 1099's. I also contacted a few old employers to have them send that info out to me as well.

I guess now that I'm being proactive I can be more current in discussing what's going on every step of the way. What led me to this edge of cliff moment, is still to painful to get into and I need to know what the finally tally on this'll cost before I get into more details.

For now, I feel ok. I'll be back later w/news of my next big financial fitness challenge...

Unlike that faux windfall, of which I am still OMG ROFLOL WTF?-ing about, I did manage to net some serious coinage during the month of December, and in almost all cases, all I did was ask.

Back in late November, I said to check yo' mail. After I checked my own mail yo', I asked for another ad campaign, I got $1200!

In December I was approached about running ads on two of my sites, getting a seperate email request to each account. I wrote back from my main account and didn't hear anything. Usually I take rejection badly and go off to lick my wounds. This time, figuring I have nothing else to lose, I emailed them back to see if they were still interested. We negotiated a bit and I got $500!

Two final ad buys netted me $50 and $150. In these two, I either asked for more and got it, $150 or in the case of the $50 I contacted someone with an expired ad and they hopped on board again. Which doesn't always work, b/c I contacted someone else w/an expired ad and no reply.

To be honest, I was on such a roll, I didn't realize they never wrote back and oh well right?

It also gave me the confidence to boost up my rates a bit in the new year. Tomorrow I'll tell y'all where all the money is going. Oh and as of this writing, an unexpected $65 came in. Why? An ad service I used moved to a new platform and are clearing out all payments from the prior version. Normally I'd have to wait for the payment threshold of $100 to be met before payment is issued.

Huzzah!

There's no value in resenting what must be completed. Just get it done, and then there will be nothing to resent. Don't waste your time worrying that something will go wrong. Just get started, and cross each bridge as you come to it.

Stop looking for excuses and reasons to put it off until later. Focus instead on the real value that will flow from making it happen right now.

Instead of seeking to avoid effort, look for how you can put real joy into that effort. Imagine choosing to get it done and really meaning it.

Be delightfully free of the unfinished business that follows you around and holds you back. Get busy and get it done.

Add energy to your moments as you transform your burdens into blessings. Choose right now to get it done. - Ralph Marston

God, I could bold the entire text in those words of wisdom.

That said, last night I paid off the Target Card ($427) and Orchard Bank Mastercard ($692.77).

*big gulp* and I don't mean the 7/11 drink ;)

This payment is the 10% snowball monies ($236.84) + bonus monies I made in Oct/Nov, I still have to tally it all up to see if I have some more I can put towards the next credit card debt, Capital One Visa.

Starting next month, the minimums I was paying to these too expired cards, $48 + $27, will now rollover to the Visa card, for a whopping December minimum of $332.84 ($48 + $27 + $21 + $236.84)

Also coming in December, I'll start logging the bonus monies I net.

I have an ambitious goal this month, to go from 4 credit cards to ONE!

Paying off: Target, Orchard Band and Capital Visa. I have a few more returns to knock out this weekend and by nex t Wednesday, the credits should appear. Then it'll be time to gather up all monies I have stuffed under the mattress and get to payin'.

I will have zippo in my savings account, an idea that scares me to the bone, but it's a short term sacrifice for a long term benefit. Ok, I'm out till I see the counselor Monday. A thought that brings a bitter bile to the back of my throat, keeps my tummy in knots, and gives me the dry heaves...

Man, this has been a rough week emotionally. I didn't get a chance to attend the workshop on Generation Debt yesterday, honestly, I was just way to depressed. I can't even recall all that's been going wrong, but I took a few steps in the right direction.

I contacted CCCS.

*gulp*

I have an appt, for Monday the 23rd and for the first time since I got my car, 3 years, I'll be having a gander @ my credit report. My stomach has been in knots since, and I anticipate it'll be that way till the appointment.

I have to take my last 2 paystubs, my monthly expenses and my bills. Which is gonna be tricky for the debts I never mentioned here. I have no clue. Avoidance and denial is a bad bad thing.

Then, and this one is hard to make public, but I started getting phone calls @ work...messages left with my boss. And I think that's what really sent me over the edge. I'm tired of feeling stressed and worried and part of what made me extremely depresssed was I feel like 5-6 years of unfortunate school choices and clueless spending is going to cost me the next 10-15-20 years of my life.

It kinda makes everything else not fun...ya kno? I mean I'm sure I can splurge on a bag of cashews maybe once or twice a year, but the future outlook, just doesn't look good. Man, I made a funny, I must be feeling a smidge better, but not really.

My first priority in the upcoming week is to start applying the investing in my debt principles. Doing a quick math I may have some good news but let me see how this weekend plays out before I make any announcements.

As for my boss, I wrote her an email, giving her a brief background and apologizing for it getting to this point. Today she wrote me back and suggested using the EAP (employee assistance pgm). I'm going to give them a call tomorrow.

Are things looking up? To tell the truth, I'm too bummed and numbed to really tell.

More later...

Quick pop in to update a bit of life news, I'm MOVING! Starting mid June, I'll be living w/my aunt, which will bring a HUGE relief on my walled and also means I can pay of some bills mucho faster. A while back I said one day I'd be brave enough to tackle my student loan debt, well, I'm getting closer to that day.

I haven't worked out all the loans, I've been to 5 colleges @ some point people, but I did contact one to update my mailing address etc and double my payments. @ one point I was paying $25/mo and about a year ago I went up to $50. Now I'm @ $100.

I squeaked "How much is my balance?" and shut my eyes tight, bracing myself...

$5400...

*gulp*

Ok.

That means 540 months to pay off...yikes!

But...if I can pay an extra $400 a months, 10 months. Ok. I'm game.

As soon as Orchard is done, I'm paying that debt of next, and will update my little repayment chart on the right --->

Unlike my cc's, it's not a given I'll be able to scrape by $400 extra bucks, believe it or not, I want to go back to school next year. Really. But this time I want to pay in cash and this time, it's a state school, much lower tuition. So I need to save as well.

So I may be able to pay @ least what I was giving to the cc's $94 I'll round it up and it'll be an even $200 a month, 2 and 1/2 years. Not to bad and it'll allow me to squirrel away tuition money too. If I pay it off quicker, I'll be away from starting school that much longer and my goal of using the new degree (potentially even more money) will be that much further away too.

It'll be a short-term sacrifice, for a longer term goal.

*groan*

Okay, paid all bills to be current except for phone bill. Their site is down. And hey, if they dont' want my money, I'm not gonna force it on them ;)

So just Bellsouth and I'll be current in my bills. I gotta see if Orchard will credit back the overlimit charge as they promised not to charge it and then I've got to make my budget.

10 mins later...

Even BETTER, just called Orchard and they will WAIVE the over the limit fee as a courtesy. WHOO HOOO $29.00 back in the bank of Renee.

Okay off to set up money plugging in my paycheck and seeing if I can make a budget without curling up into a ball and sobbing uncontrollably. *whimper*

2 hours later...

Ok...THIS is why I need a budget, Bellsouth is current. And I was fretting and stressing. Not majorly, but still. So as of this afternoon, all Household bills are current. Next up is the budget, got a copy of my paycheck in hand and about to plug it all into MS Money.

Joy!